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| TWO
My two favorite words? Auntie and Ra. Happy 2nd birthday to my favorite girl.
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| RACHAEL AND BROO'S ULTIMATE GUIDE TO VALENTINES DAY
Are you sick of the same shopworn Valentines Day clichés? It’s time to
abandon the roses, spit out the chocolate-covered strawberries, and
tear away that cheesy red satin nighty. Follow the tips in Rachael and
Broo’s Ultimate Guide to Valentines Day, and you’ll never have to hire
a hooker again!
HOMEMADE MEAL A DEUX:
Starter: Pair of lovebirds marinated in their own blood and tears, stabbing each other
through the heart with mini plastic swords
Aperitifs: “My Unshaven Mistress” sorbet – a mix of elderflower, pureed sardines and
contact lense solution, garnished with bean sprouts.
Entrée: TGI Friday’s frozen spinach and artichoke cheese dip.
Stirring in just a kiss of ranch dressing will add a touch of elegance to this culinary tour de force.
Dessert: Pus muffins. (Hint:Local farms are the best source of diseased
livestock pus. Goose gullet puss yields the best consistency and
flavor!)
MOOD MUSIC:
The Macarena, played on continuous loop, with a single drop of cookie dough placed in the center of the cd.
SEXY MOVIES:
Sophie’s Choice, Dunston Checks In, Deliverance, Angela’s Ashes, Hotel
Rwanda, Dying to Be Thin: The Karen Carpenter Story, Birth of a Nation,
Lawrence of Arabia, Managing Your Uterine Tumors© Medical Series
ROMANTIC READ-ALOUD:
Car insurance policy (read the Spanish translation for extra spice!)
SIZZLING HOT GIFTS:
Beechwood picture frame etched with words describing all of the
qualities you detest in your partner. The word “LOATHESOME” comes
standard on all frames.
Front row tickets to Cankles: The Musical!
Staring Contest manual
Jessica Simpson clip-on hair extensions
Autographed picture of subway station attendant
SWEET ACTIVITIES:
Live trial & execution of Jennifer Aniston for her crimes against humanity
Coloring contest! Print black and white pictures of your local sexual
predators, grab some crayons, and see who can make them look the most
attractive..
Bliss Spa© Valentines Day Deluxe Package: zesty chipotle enemas,
grandma’s old-fashioned country lemonade stand Brazilian wax,
mini-facial.
Puppet theater reenactment of the Jonestown suicides
Ice-cold bubble baths for one
Love snapshots! Take 572 pictures of you and your Valentine. Make sure
each picture is of the same pose and is taken from an 'aerial' point of
view to make you look thinner. Photoshop any unflattering bits. Post
them on every social networking site imaginable so that you can
manipulate people you haven't seen for 10 years into thinking you're in
a fulfilling relationship. Heck, you might’ve gotten fat and boring
since high school, but you have the skilled hands of a Facebook
surgeon! Be sure to leave meaningless, self-serving comments on your
old roommate’s site so that she’ll feel obligated to comment on your
pictures. Bonus: terrorize your ‘social network’ by providing CONSTANT
updates demonstrating how in LOVE the two of you are. Take care to
slaughter the English language (those sad singletons will be even more
jealous of you if you confuse ‘your’ and ‘you’re’!) Briefly consider
logging off to spend actual time w/ your honey; quickly abandon idea
and resume Photoshop bloodbath.
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| THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME, THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME....
I'm about to get on a bus headed back to NH; this is good news since I've had such a crappy, crappy week here in NYC. I lost my digital camera. Service for my subway line has been HORRENDOUS this week due to construction. (Sidenote: teh FIRST thing I'm buying when I get back is a replacement for the little cd walkman I used to have. Music DEFINITELY soothes the savage beast when one is stuck on an interminable train ride!!)
Last but not least, EVERYONE I know has a cold: my piano students, my co-workers, and both of my roommates. Last night I finally succumbed. I MUST get over this cold by graduation day!!!! I've been shoving tons of fruits, veggies, and extra vitamins in my face for the past week, so I think I'll be good.
Ok, so you've just read another complain-y blog. Sorry, guys. I swear I have interesting things I'll blog about soon! :)
So, the GOOD news: I'm heading home to graduate---woohoo!! My parents are very generously throwing me a graduation party. All of my family and closest friends will be there, and I'm super-psyched about this weekend!
Oh, and check my blog soon---something verrrrry interesting happened at work the other night, and I can't wait to share it with y'all! :)
Ok, I'm off.....
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| Two Hours to Get Home Tonight???
NEW YORK - Two subway cars derailed Sunday in Manhattan, forcing
more than 400 passengers to leave the tunnel on a second train,
officials said. The derailment interrupted some train service.
UGH. Didn't it EVER!!!  | | |
| A Day on the Farm!
My sister and I are going to take the baby to a farm tomorrow, where we'll get to play with little animals and such. I was in a near-coma when I packed for her house in NH, and NOT in the mood to haul a heavy suitcase around Chinatown; as such, I packed very quickly and VERY lightly.
After packing, I thought for a moment and then threw my hot pink stilettos in my suitcase. I may've packed light for my trip to the farm, but I sure as heck don't plan on leaving the essentials at home!
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